A couple months back, I chose to remove myself from Facebook, primarily because it was often too hard on me to constantly see pregnancy announcements, gender reveals, newborn and baby pictures, you name it. Have you ever wanted something so badly in life, and it feels everyone else around you has it? It is a terribly sad and lonely feeling. Although I share joy and excitement with those who are able to naturally and easily conceive, maintain a healthy pregnancy, and deliver a beautiful baby, it doesn’t make it any less painful for me to come to grips with our situation.
On April 29, a FB friend “shared” yet another one of those surprise gender reveal videos. I get sucked in every time. The video has since gone viral and was featured on many major news stations and television programs. I don’t know why I continue to torture myself when I am desperately dreaming for this day and so so badly want it to be me. So of course I watched and had goose bumps galore and tears in my eyes. It was a darling couple, surrounded by family and friends, as they were going to reveal the gender of their twins. Only there was a MAJOR surprise. THEY ARE HAVING TRIPLETS, two boys and a little girl! At the time I watched, I did not know the struggle endured to get where they are today. Surprise Reveal!
In the video, I recognized the condos in the background. Being the person I am, I had to check out the expectant mother’s page. In doing so, I see she lives in Carlsbad, CA, which is where we now live. As it turns out, they live nearly across the street from us! In watching another video documenting their journey, I discovered they also use the same fertility clinic we do, and even have the same doctor as us. Fortin’s beautiful pregnancy announcement will leave you in tears!
I was in a tough place mentally, and a sign was just what I needed. I was dying to talk with someone who knows exactly what I am going through, understands the complete and utter devastation we’ve experienced, my yearning desire to be a mother, our inability to conceive naturally, and so many other feelings that only those struggling with infertility know and feel. Our unfortunate similarities were a welcoming, random coincidence to me, so I took it as a sign that I needed to contact Desiree.
I sent a message introducing myself, sharing a snippet of our story, and did everything I could to avoid sounding like a Facebook stalking creep. She got back to me quickly with a lengthy message that had me in tears. I do not know this girl, she does not know me, but she feels what I feel and that was clear from the start. Here she is pregnant with triplets, and likely getting calls from the Fox News, Inside Edition, and so on…but she took time to share their story, prayers, and encouragement with me. We were able to get together last month, and let me tell you, she is an absolutely beautiful and fabulous human being and already an amazing mommy! The two hours we talked felt like five minutes, and I am so very thankful for the incredible bond and friendship that we have developed! Thank you Desiree!!
I have previously shared her story with many of you, but for those unfamiliar, feel free to visit Desiree’s, Our Journey to Parenthood Blog. The last year, or so, of their long and trying Journey to Parenthood will give you an idea of the weeks and months ahead for Chris and I. She brings a great deal of faith, honesty and HOPE to infertility and IVF!
April 30 – the day after connecting with Desiree – I received one of the most thoughtful gifts from a dear friend. Included in this lovely package was a book entitled Jesus Calling. Jessica was apprehensive to send this, as she was unsure what I would think. Even with the 13 years of attending Catholic schools, I will be dead honest and say that I have not necessarily had the most ideal spiritual and religious relationship with God or myself in the last decade plus of life. Chris and I have talked numerous times about reestablishing and repairing this broken relationship. However at this time, we are nowhere near where we want to be. When people say, “God has a plan,” I want to get myself to a place where I firmly believe and wholeheartedly agree.
With that said, I was extremely excited to add Jesus Calling to my mornings. There is a short passage specific to each calendar day. My first day reading was May 1, and the passage left me in complete and utter awe. See below. It could not have been more perfect for my soul that day. “You are on the path of My choosing. There is no randomness about your life.” How completely fitting for where I was/am mentally, emotionally and spiritually in life. I actually look forward to my morning readings, and have not missed a single one. It truly keeps me motivated and positive in this journey. Thank you for your thoughtfulness, Jessica!
- Current – Continued Androderm gel and Estrace
- 6/27 – Switch from the gel to Androderm patches
- 7/01 – Ultrasound, Blood work, and Teaching Appointment for injection medication. YEAH, can’t wait 😉
- 7/02 – Stimulation Medications to tentatively start
Chris and I are leaving this afternoon for a little weekend getaway…Vegas here we come! This was initially thought of for his birthday (June 10), but in my opinion, we are really celebrating and treating ourselves. Because we deserve it, right?! At least that is what I am telling myself! This trip has given us something to really look forward to and will be much-needed mental escape. I have only visited the Sin City twice, both for bachelorette parties.
Since I will not be indulging in my close friend vodka, I think Vegas may be a tad bit different than I remember. I am super excited to explore, dine, relax, and see Beatles LOVE with a clear head, no hangover, and my sweet husband.
Thank you to all following our journey, praying for us, and cheering us along. We love you!
Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best. – Robert Tew