You may not see it today or tomorrow, but you will look back in a few years and be absolutely perplexed and awed by how every little thing added up and brought you somewhere wonderful – or where you always wanted to be. You will be grateful that things didn’t work out the way you once wanted them to.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Fourth of July! Surprisingly, I was able to turn my mind off for the most part and enjoy the long weekend. Although the weather was crummy, we spent some time at the beach, walked Batiquitos Lagoon, went downtown for the Big Bay Boom fireworks (amazing), and did some major relaxing!
The post is titled “Monday, Monday” as in the song by the Mamas and the Papas, lyrics here. Quite fitting. I was hoping to share an update immediately after our appointment, but my Mondays are quite hectic. And for different reason, I am glad I didn’t.
Morning began, after a restless night of sleep. Reese was neglected and didn’t get her AM walk. I nearly got sick…nerves of course. It was a gross and rainy, not our standard, and it makes San Diegans terrified and drive like they are 103 years old. You would think they have never seen rain before and act like what is this stuff coming from the sky? Frustrating.
I arrive on time, park the car, take the stairs, then to the elevator, and into RPMG. It is a complex campus with construction going and is always packed! There were quite a few others waiting. Chris was a few minutes behind me, but luckily I was the last name to be called, and in he walked. Perfect timing! There was a bit of confusion with my chart, but after it was resolved, it was the usual undress from the waist down, here is a miniscule piece of napkin to cover up with, press the orange button when ready. Done, done, and done. Dr. F strolls in.
Side note – As I have described previously….I am crazy, totally nuts, and I know it! I think this process could make anyone turn from normal to insane instantly. Most of you get the gist my current mental and emotional state, and I appreciate you all for accepting and tolerating it. Whenever we meet with Dr. F, nerves and anxiety completely take over, and I seriously have very little recollection of the conversation. Who can blame me?! It isn’t the most ideal time to chat about something so important when you’re half dressed, being poked and prodded, and just anticipating the worst. So I stooped to a new level. I voice recorded our appointment! Yep, sure did! This way I wouldn’t forget anything discussed, and I could replay the actual conversation versus a made up one in my head, as I tend to do.
The point of this US was to be sure the Ovidrel injection Chris gave me last Wednesday worked and to see if the ovulating follicle had collapsed. The shot was not bad at all, and Chris did GREAT! I think it was actually a good thing to get one under our belts!
Last week, when Dr. F was pointing out the follicles on the US screen, I couldn’t see or recognize a thing. This time, she went a bit slower and explained in more detail. There is a medical assistant in the room typing the notes as Dr. F is talking. She begins by saying, lining is at 5.8, which is thin from the meds, but we don’t care about the lining right now. Then see this area right here, this is the collapsed follicle, so good, the Ovidrel worked. YES!!! She saw 5 follicles on the right and 4 on the left, leaving us at 9, when we thought we were going to be at 8! Turns out, the dominant follicle in last week’s US was blocking another smaller one. Wonderful!! She was pleased with what she saw, so we were ready to GO!!!!! Chris and I had huge smiles and felt a massive sense of relief. I don’t think I was processing what was going on!
Next was blood work time, which was a breeze since I was laying down. Then we had our teaching appointment with Dori where she showed us how to properly prepare, mix (yes we will be mixing medication), and administer my first injectable medication. We reviewed scheduling, the can and cannots for the foreseeable future, and so on. Dr. F popped her head in and said to Dori – 3 vials a night, not 2. Uh oh. So the 20 vials of Menopur ordered were not going to be enough. This ONE med is $80 PER VIAL!!! I need THREE a night for a minimum of 10 nights this month and 10 nights in September. Oh, and that isn’t even the most expensive med I will be on! My enemy, insurance, isn’t helping at all! I try to ignore the financial piece for the time being, because we will do whatever it takes to make our dreams come true!
I was to start Menopur (injectable), Clomid, and Dexamethasone (steroid) that evening. Talk about things getting real! We were pumped and ready to go!!! Our appointment concluded, and we went our separate ways to work.
I wasn’t totally over the moon with excitement just yet. During our time with Dori, she mentioned she would be calling me with the progesterone and estrogen levels from today. She stated very rarely do the results wouldn’t show anything which would be drastically different than what is reflected on US.
I texted Chris to let him know I was nervous, per usual, since I had yet to hear from Dori, and right then I see “Reproductive Partners” calling me. I was leading a meeting for our construction project we are managing and excused myself to take the call. As much as I love our church client, I was on site for the miscarriage call, the ectopic call, and now had this one coming.
Anticipating to hear Dori’s voice on the line, I was surprised it was Dr. F instead. Oh man. Breathe.
“Hi Kacey, do you have a minute?” Ughhh, never good.
Throw us into the freaking very rarely category!
I think our conversation went something like this – Progesterone is high, which was expected because I just ovulated, but it was higher than she would have liked. It is a total grey area, and there is no evidence or theory that starting today would adversely affect the outcome, as we don’t really care about progesterone now. Due to this, she consulted a couple of her colleagues. A few said, go for it. But the director, Dr. Garzo, who I have met with when experiencing my ectopic, said he would wait.
Dr. F’s concern about waiting was about making me crazy (already am) and my mom and Grammy’s upcoming visit. I was sure to tell her their visit is not at all the priority. I felt she was almost leaving the decision to me, but I quickly deferred to her as the professional. So, in our six-minute phone call, we decided it would be best to be as conservative as possible to optimize this cycle. Therefore, we will wait patiently until I get my period, likely to be mid-to-end of next week. I have never wanted the time of the month to come as badly as I do right now! I will call the office on Day 1 and go in on Day 3 for US and blood work! If all is great, I will begin the stimulation meds that day. Dr. F told me yesterday it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY something would prevent us from going forward come Day 3.
We are bumped out two weeks from our initial date. Not horrible, at all! I am totally ok with it. Chris was more bummed than me. I think a lot more pessimistically than him. I had expected us to be delayed 1.5 months, so two weeks was nothing! The one piece that really sucks is my mom and Grammy’s trip. They planned to visit this summer at some point, but after our IVF plan was in place, we lined up their flights with my tentative egg retrieval. Well the date has now changed three times. I was looking forward to them being with me while feeling crummy due to the meds, keeping my spirits high, my mind distracted, and help during the recovery process.
It has been exactly 100 weeks since Pam and Gram Part #1 took place. I am hoping Day 3 will fall while they are still in town, and then they could join for the appointment, meet our amazing team, and have a sneak peak into our IVF lives, as the at-home injections would begin! I cannot wait for these gals to get here tomorrow!
I will never be able to say this enough. THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE, SUPPORT, and PRAYERS!! You have no idea how touched we are. My best to you all. Xo
Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best. – Robert Tew