It’s ON!

Hi all!! Sorry for my absence, I’ll make up for it with this novel 😉 Long read coming. I have been meaning to blog for days and therefore this is a post with a couple different topics going on! I was busy enjoying an incredible 10 days with my mom and Grammy, and it absolutely flew by. Although I wanted time to move quickly so we could really get this IVF show on the road, I really wish it would have gone slower!

LOVE

For those of you that know my family well, this paragraph will come as no surprise. Our time together was filled with a lot of love and laughs, fabulous meals cooked by Pam, six visits to Ralph’s (grocery store), three trips to two different Homegoods, gorgeous weather, walks and exploring, a couple fun lunches and dinners out, puppy snuggles, In and Out double doubles, cleaning (seriously they LOVE cleaning), home decorating, our first dinner party in the new home with Chris’ family, some relaxing, a St. Louis style thunderstorm (I miss them!), dead car battery (while I was getting gas at Costco…I was not a popular person with the 8 cars behind me), an urgent care visit for my mom, and a big appointment for us! Pam was already in love, but Grammy fell in love….with our new home, the city of Carlsbad, and a random neighbor’s dog. I am slowly, but surely realizing…I am indeed my mother’s daughter! These two gals were exactly what my heart needed!

Best cleaning, decorating and cooking crew! My mom is most definitely a Homegoods addict. She is teaching Grammy and I the art of sneaking into the stock room.

I completely treasure the special, quality moments with these two gems.  I have always known how incredibly blessed I am to have the family I do; yet, I realize it more and more each day. Let me add, that Chris was wonderful…putting up with the three of us and Reese under one roof…kudos to you!!

Gram Jam at her finest!

Grammy’s feelings on our view proudly wearing her robe from our wedding morning. #nofilter…promise! Bottom right is lunch in La Jolla.

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Speaking of Chris — EXCITING NEWS!!! — A few months back, Chris qualified to become a partner within Lee and Associates Commercial Real Estate Brokers. Just two days ago the partners’ meeting was held. Chris spoke, followed by answering questions from the group. Shortly after, he was officially voted in by the existing partners!!! Starting August 1st it becomes official!! I am so thrilled! He has worked so hard and is completely deserving! We will be celebrating with the company August 6th with a nice beverage in hand toasting the newest PARTNER!!!!

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I left you last on July 9^th, we were waiting on that lovely time of the month to arrive. Of course, the one time I wanted it to hurry up and get here, it took its darn time. I knew that would be the case. And because the day it arrived, my Day 3 appointment fell on Sunday, a Sunday that my doctor was not working. We scheduled with the doctor in the office that day. I wasn’t thrilled. Talk about someone knowing your inside and out, literally. Much to my surprise, I got a call back shortly after from Dori, our coordinator. She said that Dr. F wanted to be the one to see, so to come in Monday (Day 4/ July 20^th) at 9am. WONDERFUL! Pam and Gram could join Chris!

I, personally, think I did an excellent job enjoying their visit, versus focusing on anything and everything IVF related. Until Sunday night / Monday morning. The 5 South to La Jolla was a mess, and because I had my precious cargo riding with me, my driving skills were toned down quite a bit. We were a few minutes late…again.

Sitting in the waiting room, I felt some relief in having my support group with me, but at the same time was SO desperately hoping that I wouldn’t have to see a look of disappointment and sadness on their faces if we were not to receive good news.

I was called back. Chris joined, the other two birds sat patiently in the waiting room. Chris said it was the least nervous he had ever been before an appointment. Me on the other hand, blood pressure and heart rate through the roof. I could hardly bring my cup of tea to my mouth without shaking.

In walks Dr. F, and I immediately press the record button on my phone. I have since realized: I sound like a total spaz. I need to speak slower. And I really really need to eliminate the word “like” from my vocabulary. I think I tried that a few years ago, it clearly didn’t last.

The ultrasound and blood work were somewhat of a repeat Baseline, as they call it. The numbers and images are used as a measuring point during this process. We were hoping for no cysts or surprises and a good follicle count.

Dr. F begins, “Let’s take a look and see what’s going on. Lining of 3.2. On the right there is … a 14 … and a 13 … and looks like three other follicles on the right… Looks like 5 on the left.”

WHAT THE HELLLLLLL! I knew 13 and 14 referred to the millimeters in length of my follicles, and those numbers are NOT what we wanted.

Dr. F stumbled over her words a bit, “So I think everything looks good. That right ovary is a little jumpy. Take your time. Come see me in my office and we will go through everything.”

Ughhhhh. I felt like I was being summoned to the principles office. I wanted to hear, everything looks great. All the follicles are tiny and the same size. Perfect. Wonderful. Let’s go!

Of course things couldn’t be great. It was somewhat ok, but not great. Par for the course for my ridiculously uncooperative reproductive system.

We met with Dr. F for about 10 minutes. We asked a lot of questions. Got some answers, but there is a lot of unknown until we see how my body responds to the medication. It is not the most ideal of circumstances to have two larger, dominant follicles. We would have liked to see them all very small, measuring the same size. 15mm is her limit for Baseline, we made it by 1mm. Typically these larger follicles will not produce a viable egg. We also really don’t want the medicine and injections to assist growth with just those two. However, Dr. F seemed anxious and confident to move forward.

Then there was awkward silence. Followed by a somewhat upsetting look on her face.

“Dori told you I will be out of town all next week right?”

WHAT?!?!?!?!?! NOOOOOOOOOOO! My heart sank.

Dori most definitely did NOT tell me this information.

I did the math quickly, and realized she would not be in the office for my surgery / egg retrieval tentatively set for next Friday 7/31. I felt crushed, but felt some relief that Dr. Garzo, the medical director and head honcho, will be handling all of Dr. F’s patients. He is the one that trained her, so I feel at peace with this. I think.

Our meeting concluded, next up was blood work. Dr. F has said that it would be nearly impossible for the blood work to show anything different than ultrasound, but I was to wait for the call.

Blood draw #20 was a breeze, laying down of course. I asked Dr. F if she had a quick moment to say hello to my mom and Grammy in the waiting room. I felt so happy that they could meet this very important person I talk about daily! Dr. F promised them that we would have good things coming…I have those words recorded too! Ha!

We were then on our way out the door. I was happy with the news we were moving forward, but wasn’t ecstatic. Chris said goodbye to us in the parking garage. My mom, Grammy and I had a final little farewell brunch downtown before the dreaded airport drop. I have a love hate relationship with that place. Sunglasses protected my crying eyes. Hugs and kisses, and they were off.

I lost it in the car, and tears fill my eyes as I type this days later. I was a mess. Saying goodbye is never easy. In fact, for me, it has only gotten harder. I truly realize how much I miss home. This whole sob story can wait for another day.

But once again, I was told to hold on starting the medication until I received the call about my blood work results. And once again the call came at my Monday afternoon construction meeting with our church client.

Heart dropped.

It was Sarah on the line, which I thought was a good sign.

She let me know my levels are good, and we should to begin meds!!!!!!

So, as of Monday night, I started Dexamethasone (2 pills), Clomid (2 pills), and Menopur (injection). It is quite the project mixing up the Menopur powder vials and solution. We have watched the instructional video about 5 times. Chris looks like a scientist as he preps the injection. I watch like a nervous hawk.

The whole process takes about 5-10 minutes, depending on how many times I say hold on. Even though it doesn’t hurt too much, there is still something a little unsettling about handling needles, mixing vials of expensive medication, and then having your husband give you a shot into your stomach. We will get used to it over time I am sure.

Thus far, we have done three injections at home, and the other in a parking lot before the Padres vs. Giants game Tuesday night. I have let infertility consume so much of my mind, body and life, but am doing my best to continue actually living each day. And we all know, there is no stopping me from going to a baseball game, especially with amazing seats!!

Shooting up in the parking lot before the hated Giants slaughtered the Padres.

My total pill intake each day is up to 16 with all meds, vitamins, etc.

I am to be taking it easy, limiting activity to be conscientious of the changes going on.

As for how I am feeling thus far – headachey, lethargic, dizzy, lack of appetite, dry mouth, bloated, constant thirst, therefore constant bathroom visits, and restless through the night. Oh…and emotional. VERY EMOTIONAL.

We will see Dr. F tomorrow/Friday at 9:15a for blood work and ultrasound. She will want to see my body, follicles, and levels responding well to the medication. I am sure she will also check on those larger two follicles to be sure they aren’t dominating. I am also to bring another injection, Ganirelix, with me to the appointment in the event they see any signs of ovulation. Sadly, Dr. F will not be back in the office until August 4^th. I, on the other hand, will be there daily for ultrasounds and blood work with Dr. G.

This may be a long, exhausting, tough, expensive, emotional, draining journey, but we are on it. And we are determined to kick infertility in the ass!

I will never be able to say thank you enough for all of the love, prayers, kind words and gestures! XO

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Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best. – Robert Tew