Happy Friday!! Tardy Aunt Flow arrived yesterday, so next up – Day 3 Baseline Appointment tomorrow/Saturday at 10a, which will consist of an ultrasound and blood work. I was super concerned Dr. F would not be in since the appointment fell on a weekend, but she is IN!! We are hoping the previously present cysts are gone, and no abnormalities are seen on US, along with normal blood levels. I am still have a bit of a strange feeling going on, but thinking positively! If all is well, I will begin Apri (birth control) and the familiar testosterone arm gel tomorrow! This is a 16-17 day phase, followed by five days of testosterone patches, then 10ish days of stimulation meds and finally an egg retrieval. I pray we stick, as much as possible, to this very tentative schedule!
When I moved to San Diego over two and a half years ago (time is flying) I had the intention of blogging to share my new life and thousands pictures with loved ones back home, but it never came to fruition. As I mentioned in my first post in May…exploring a new city, our engagement, wedding planning and festivities, visitors, traveling, etc. were my focus.
Fast forward to a few short months ago and the birth of jaunts&journeys. This very open diary of mine was created specifically as an avenue to share and document our infertility and IVF journey. I knew it would become more. For those of you following, you understand our plans have been derailed a few times now, creating breaks and lulls in this process. I want to continue to share updates on life, my thoughts and emotions, and keep those interested informed. I am committed to focusing on our IVF journey, as well as our happy jaunts!
For me, as therapy to help me cope, to best express our story, along with the pain, heartaches, and hopefully joy in this process.
For those I know and those I don’t know, struggling with infertility, in need of a story similar to theirs.
For the dreaming women, who empathize the feeling and despair of wanting to be called Mom.
For those we love and those who love us, those praying for us, encouraging us, sharing positivity, and the kindest of thoughts.
For those unfamiliar or new to the infertility journey, IVF and the like.
For the future, so we can look back at a seemingly dreadful situation, but smile because of where it lead us.
And finally for our children, who are just a twinkle in our eyes and still in God’s Cabbage Patch (for you Mrs. Manning), so one day they will know how wanted and loved they were by SO many before they even joined this great big world.
We know we are SO fortunate! I could dedicate an hourly post simply to those helping me get through my day to day. Even with being 1,821 miles from home, I still feel the love! I cannot even begin to explain the incredible, thoughtful, and genuine gestures, flowers, cards, emails, Facebook and text messages, blog comments, etc. we have received. It honestly helps my heart. The support is unreal. We are blessed to have YOU in our lives. Most have shared their thoughts, prayers, and kind words. Many have said I am honest, strong, and brave. I sure don’t feel brave, but I know I will look back on this time and think, holy hell I was freaking more than brave!
I have my moments and my days. Trust me. Sometimes I feel entirely defeated and think I will never hold a child in my arms. Some days I am convinced our parenthood fate is doomed. Some days I feel we will be parents, but it seems an eternity away. I do my best to keep jealousy and anger at bay. It’s hard. Then I tell myself, this is our journey. We are meant to be on this path for a reason. I know all will be ok in the end, but sometimes it is damn hard to see it and feel it.
Messages, such as this one, help in ways I cannot even begin to explain…On my worst day you give me the greatest sense of gratitude. Everyone that gets to be a part of your journey will get to be a part of your joy when your miracle finally happens. It was followed up with…You know what just struck me? Was how you and Chris have such an epic love story of how it even happened. All your friends had been getting married for years and you always celebrated them and had the most positive love for them, and when your turn came it was epic. Your baby is the same way! For so long you have had so much love for all your friends’ babies even when longing for your own. And it only makes sense that when you have your children it will be the most epic miracle! THANK YOU Kel, and we SO CANNOT WAIT to share in the joy!
I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend! Tomorrow will be spent here…hopefully with a giant smile due to GOOD NEWS! Love to you all! Xo
Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best. – Robert Tew