Total blindside

I question my strength everyday. Today, we must continue looking ahead with positivity.

I did not expect to have an update until tomorrow after our appointment with Dr. F, but here we go with some pretty crushing, shocking news.

So I think you all know by now how much we absolutely LOVE our doctor.

Chris was building a business relationship with she and her husband. Dr. F and I first connected in December of last year, prior to any diagnosis or known fertility issues. I have been under her care since February. She has been with us through this entire journey. We chose RPMG because of her, and only her. Last week for my ultrasound prior to starting stims, I was a nervous wreck because I wouldn’t be seeing her for the appointment.

I sing her praises daily. I adore her and everything she has been to us in the last 10 months. She is a phenomenal fertility specialist, and an even better person. I shared these exact words with her just the other day.

Well last night at 8:20p, Bishop, Chris, and I are at our dining room table having dinner and chatting. My phone rings, it is a random local number calling.

I answer, and hear, “Hi Kacey, it’s Brooke (Dr. F). Do you have a moment?”

Holy hell what is going on??? Did my blood work have some crazy results? Did she see something on ultrasound she didn’t like? Did she have a family emergency and is leaving town? What is happening?

Cue the panic.

I think I blacked out for a second.

She said in so many words… “ I wanted to talk to you about something I haven’t had the opportunity to discuss with you yet.”

Cue the near vomit.

Long story short, she shares with us that she is leaving Reproductive Partners.

I was hoping she meant in the next few months, or at the end of the year. NOPE, FRIDAY, like this Friday, like in 2 days, just days before my retrieval.

Cue the tears.

I then put her on speaker, so Chris could take over the convo because I couldn’t even form a sentence.

Her voice was shaky, and it sounded like she was near tears. I know how hard this call was for her to make. I know she has our best interests in mind, she reiterated that many times in the conversation. She apologized profusely for the stress she has caused. As we all know, stress is my worst enemy right now.

She specifically asked to stay until Monday for OUR RETRIEVAL, but she said it isn’t feasible. She is confident in this cycle, and assured us in Dr. Garzo’s ability.

I cannot imagine many others have been in our shoes before when it comes to a doctor leaving MID-CYCLE. It seems entirely wrong to me. I know if it were up to her, it would be different.

She knows my body. She knows how I react to mediation. She knows the oddities present with my reproductive system. This is not a foot surgery, this is for our FUTURE CHILDREN.

I am shocked.

Her decision to move to another fertility center is strictly for business purposes and partnership opportunities. She believes in RPMG, their practices, ability, and success.

We are in the process of figuring out next steps. To keep me out of it as much as possible, Chris is taking over the calls, emails, contract reviews, etc. so see what our options are, as we are financially and contractually obligated to RPMG.

I still feel like this is a sick joke. What an absolute nightmare, and the timing could not be worse. I am complete zombie today. I think I slept for an hour or so. My brain couldn’t turn off. I am trying my best to not let it consume me, but that is nearly impossible.

This is short story of what is going on.

So, as for now, we will see Dr. F tomorrow morning and hopefully have a better idea of what lies ahead. I know we will be ok. On we go!

Thanks for the love. Xo