My journal of the last 6 days, with a great surprise!

A LOT has happened in the 6 days since I have last written!! Please bear with me, yet again, for a lengthy read!

I will do it journal-style, day by day…

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Friday, after work, I got to spend some quality time with Desiree, Ryan, her parents, and the Fortin Trio!! These precious babies have gotten SO big, and although they are giving their parents a run for their money with colic and reflux, they were sweet little angels when I was there! I even got a couple of smiles!

I know the path they traveled to get where they are today, and it gives me hope that our time is coming. They know the pain, and I take comfort in their wisdom and advice! My heart always feels full after my visits, and I am so fortunate to have developed this wonderful relationship!

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While running some errands Saturday morning, I got THE CALL from the Vanessa at lab. This was our Day 5 call. They like the embryos to have reached the Blastocyst stage by Day 5. They grade the inner cell (becomes fetal tissue) and the Trophectoderm (becomes placenta). I think that is right? Our report:

• 1 had reached blastocyst and was beautiful and expanding. It was Good quality. Biopsy was completed on this embryo, and it was frozen.
• 1 was at early blastocyst and had potential to reach blast by Day 6
• 3 were at the Morulae Stage (where they should have been on Day 4), and have a 50/50 shot to reach blast by Day 6
• 1 had stopped growing

I would get a call the next day with the final number of embryos able to be tested and frozen. I felt pretty crushed. That was the least positive call out of the whole week. There was the potential we could end with ONE?!

After errands, I went home to pack and get organized. And, man oh man, when Reese saw my suitcase Saturday morning, she freaked and my heart shattered into a million pieces. I was in the shower, and she tried to get in there with me. Then she waited on the bathroom rug for the duration of my shower. While blow-drying my hair, she actually laid on my feet. I knew she would be in good hands, but I still felt awful. Not sure how some of you moms can do it, maybe I will understand one day. But seriously, leaving my dog for 24 hours, and I am in tears. WOW! Lord help me when we leave tomorrow for EIGHT days.

I made the drive up to Simi Valley to celebrate Jordan and Martina’s wedding, and it was a BEAUTIFUL wedding and reception! I was so happy to be a part of their special day! I was super concerned I would over do it on the drinking considering I don’t know how to do things in moderation, I love my cocktails, and I hadn’t had multiple drinks since April. I took it easy enough, and managed to feel somewhat good the next day! Thanksgiving week will be a different story I am sure! Apologies in advance to my family and friends!

Martina and Jordan’s gorgeous wedding ceremony on 11.13.15

Blurry…but with a handsome groomsman!

With a GREAT group of Colorado people!

With the beautiful bride! Martina is 14 weeks along with a little boy!!

Jordan, the new groom and soon to be daddy!!!

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We knew we would receive the last lab call on Sunday, likely while driving back in separate cars from the wedding weekend to San Diego. We had friends coming with us from the wedding to our house, and I was overly concerned with the potential of terrible news.

Driving on the 405, (ha sounds so “LA”), waiting patiently for my phone to ring, and my sister, dad, and Chris all call. Each time my heart goes to my toes. FINALLY “NO CALLER ID” appears! Day 6, they look for any remaining embryos to reach the blastocyst stage. Those that do will be biopsied for testing and frozen. Those that do not, sadly will be discarded. The report:

• 2 additional embryos were able to be biopsied and frozen
• 3 embryos did not develop to the required blastocyst stage.

They let me know I would receive a call from Dr. F in approximately one week with the genetic report.

I would have been CRUSHED with this phone had I not somewhat expected these results based on the previous day’s call.

For point of reference last cycle compared to this cycle:

• Cycles #:         1 & 2
• Retrieved:      12 / 10
• Mature:          10 / 8
• Fertilized:      10 / 6
• Day 5 Blast:    5 / 1
• Day 6 Blast:    2 / 2
• Total tested:   7 / 3

The embryos would stay in San Diego, but the cells would head to New Jersey for testing on Monday morning. And the waiting game continues. I was relieved the daily calls would come to an end, but knew I would be crazily anxious anticipating the call which would likely come the day before Thanksgiving….or so I thought!

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Monday November 16^th was our second wedding anniversary. Some of you may have seen my post on Facebook or Instagram, but I will share it here for those of you who do not participate in the glamorous life of social media.

Two years ago today we said our vows in front of our amazing friends and family, and committed ourselves to each other for a lifetime. It was an absolutely beautiful day! I can easily say these past 12+ months have, by far, been the most difficult in my 32 years of life. Looking back, Chris and I have experienced incredible pain and heartache, yet so much continued happiness. It is because of him I am able to keep my head up, with a smile on my face. I cannot wait to see what life has in store…hopefully these next 12 months will hold the brightest of moments and memories. Happy 2nd Wedding Anniversary to the kindest, most considerate, loving husband. I am lucky beyond imagination.

Chris had the sweetest set up and surprise at the house. He specifically asked I not share it in detail (yeah right) 🙂 The traditional second year wedding gift is cotton. As I walked in the door, I see arrows formed with cotton balls, sending me on a little scavenger hunt through the house. The last couple stops had me upstairs where in one of the rooms, Chris had two dozen red roses and an adorable cotton printed picture in his hand. I LOVE his thoughtfulness!!!

Cotton print with our cities, and lyrics to our first dance song 🙂

This precious moment was quickly tarnished when we got back downstairs to find the cotton ball arrows were no longer arrows, they were just lines. REESE!!!!!!! I shiver at the thought of eating a cotton ball, and she ate a good dozen or two. I call the vet immediately. Let’s just say the cotton balls have reappeared, and Reese is doing just fine.

We were too exhausted to celebrate our anniversary Monday night, but had planned to head out the next night.

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Tuesday around 1:30p, I am at work. NO CALLER ID on my phone. I assume it is SDFC (San Diego Fertility Center) calling to confirm my appointment for Wednesday with Debbie to discuss financials for a third cycle.

Me: Hi, this is Kacey

Dr. F: Hey Kacey, it’s Brooke

Oh, she is calling to check on me and see how I am feeling.

Dr. F: I am calling with GOOD news!

WHAT?!

Dr. F: Two of the embryos came back NORMAL!!!!!!

OMG! HOW?! Did she call the right person?! What is happening?!

I WAS COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY SHOCKED. I still am.

Don’t get me wrong I was THRILLED with the news, but SO confused as to how we had the results. The cells went to NJ Monday, and we got the call Tuesday!

This was WONDERFUL! Last cycle we had 3 of 7 come back normal, this cycle, 2 of 3!!

We now have a total of FIVE genetically healthy, frozen embryos waiting for us!!

We had double the reason to celebrate, and went to a new to us spot in Carlsbad, Blue Ocean, to indulge in a cocktail, sake, and heavenly sushi.

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Wednesday we met with the financial gal at SDFC to review what a third cycle would look like from a cost standpoint. We then had a brief meeting with Dr. F to discuss next steps. We WILL be doing a third cycle.

Please no judging 🙂

Reasons:

• I have had a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy. I also have Factor V blood clotting disorder.
• There is no guarantee a genetically healthy embryo will turn into a viable pregnancy.
• My AMH level (ovarian reserve/egg supply) will decrease year after year. This past January when I had this level tested, it was that of a 40+ year old. In a few years, my egg supply could be nonexistent. Or, it could still be where it is today. We do not know.
• Miscarriage, ectopic, pregnancy issues, etc. can still arise even with IVF. And personally, I do not want to take the risk of having one or two children, potentially running out of embryos, and being 37 years old with no eggs. I feel we should take full advantage of the current egg situation!
• It is completely worth it to us to take on the financial, physical, and emotional burden to be sure we build our family.
• If we wanted one or two children, we would be ok with the five embryos we have. However, Dr. F said once we start talking three children, the five makes her cringe a little bit.

The negatives include: Cost, more medication in my body, another surgery, delay in transfer, pregnancy, and birth. One major negative is the fact the lab is closed the last two weeks of the year. This means, if we were to start my next cycle and begin the birth control and testosterone with my next period, my estimated retrieval date would be on Christmas Eve. They do not do retrievals at all the last two weeks of the year.

SO, I will have a full on IVF break from now until the end of December!!! We go to Hawaii for our birthday/anniversary/New Years/We deserve this because of all the shit we have been through vacation, and then will immediately get back to business. What could have been a transfer in January, will now be a third retrieval. This bumps future transfer to March or April. I am TOTALLY ok with this. I just wish I could start now, but maybe my poor ovaries could use a little break. I know my mind can!

My mom made a great point after I shared the exciting news with her…She said, Aren’t you so thrilled you got the call early, so you can turn it off and enjoy your vacation without the potential call hanging over your head. SO TRUE!! Even though I would be having a good time, my mind would have been elsewhere, and I would have been anxious and stressed to the max…unable to relax and enjoy!

We are headed to Chicago for what will surely be an incredible Siebenman/Zimmer wedding weekend, then on to St. Louis for a Kennedy Thanksgiving Week!!! This is the longest stretch, in my lifetime, I have gone without going home and/or seeing my Dad, brother, and sister! I CANNOT WAIT!!!!!!!!

Thank you, as always, for reading my novels! I do not think I will be writing until after Thanksgiving, so I hope you and your families have a wonderful holiday! Lots of love to you all! Xo

Trying to get her Starbucks in the front seat.

Can’t end the post without a Reese pic or two 😉

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Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best. – Robert Tew