The bust known as Cycle 3

Hello all! It has been a solid 3.5 weeks since I have lasted visited jaunts&journeys. I have been hesitant in returning and severely lacked excitement in getting back to the blogging world because of the seemingly constant negative news dealt our way. It isn’t nearly as fun to write when it isn’t all happy and positive.

Just after retrieval I resorted to Facebook and Instagram as a quick way to share the daily updates on the embryos after retrieval. I share this post for those that I am not privileged to be friends with in the crazy social media world. A lot has developed in the last few weeks (including surgery on the horizon, delay in transfer, etc.), and I will update on that shortly, but in the mean time:

Monday January 25 / Day 0 – Retrieval #3 is behind us, and I am feeling as well as possible with the expected discomfort experienced previously. The couch and I bonded today.

Update – 8 eggs were retrieved with 7 at maturity; the one will be given the opportunity to catch up. I would have loved more, but that doesn’t necessarily always mean better.

We will get the fertilization report tomorrow morning followed by daily embryo updates. Thank you for the love, prayers, messages, and kind thoughts. We are SO ready to move to the next phase of this journey! Xo


Retrieval Day 01.25.16

Tuesday January 26 / Day 1

Who wants to hear some incredible news?!

The lab just called with our Day 1 Report – Of the 8 eggs retrieved yesterday, 7 were mature at the time. The other egg CAUGHT UP and matured!!! The BEST PART – Of the 8 mature eggs, ALL 8 fertilized!!!!!! This is HUGE!

We still have a long few days ahead and then upcoming genetic testing, but we are starting the week at a great place and hope our little embryos continue to grow and develop! Thanks for all the positive thoughts and words of encouragement! I am forever grateful! Xo12650974_10102082480519484_4777165072353388349_n-2

Wednesday January 27 / Day 2

The lab like to see the embryos between 2 and 4 cells today, with minimal fragmentation. The embryos are also graded Good (perfect), Fair (average), and Poor (below average) based on appearance. I should add, there is no difference in pregnancy success rates between good and fair embryos as long as they are genetically healthy.

So for our 8 embryos we have:

  • 3 at 4-cell
  • 1 at 3-cell
  • 4 at 2-cell

All 8 are Good to Fair in quality! And all 8 present minimal fragmentation! They will look for the cell number to double come tomorrow. Overall, a very good report today! We have a couple tense days ahead with the continued growth and development, and ultimately the genetic report.

I am totally loving the support and kindness, and am so super appreciative! And thank you to my thoughtful sister for the absolutely beautiful flowers!943922_10102083903333154_3790452321359009807_n

Thursday January 28 / Day 3

I was a totally impatient freak waiting on pins and needles all day, but FINALLY got our Day 3 call at 4:53p.

The miracle workers (aka embryologists) want to see the embryos continuing to grow and divide and to be between 4 and 8 cells (double from yesterday) with minimal fragmentation and good/fair in quality.

Great news!!!! ALL 8 of the embryos are on track!

  • 1 compacting (ahead of the game!)
  • 1 at 10 cell (also ahead of the game!)
  • 2 at 8 cell
  • 2 at 7 cell
  • 1 at 5 cell
  • 1 at 4 cell

All 8 are STILL Good to Fair in quality and presenting minimal fragmentation! All in all another good report! As mentioned, we still have a couple tense days ahead with the continued growth and development, and ultimately the genetic report.

I was extremely appreciative and grateful, turned emotional, on the phone with the embryologist tonight…to the point where she and I both had a tear. I am forever thankful for them and the miracles they create.

Thank you a million times over for the kind thoughts and prayers! Pictured is Lou, as discussed here.



Friday January 29 / Day 4

12631397_10102086245639154_5994318626873069703_n9:09a the phone rings! Lindsey from the lab is on the line with our Day 4 embryo update. In all 3 cycles, this is the first call that I have received when I have been with Chris.

The miracle workers (aka embryologists) want to see the embryos developing into a more advanced stage.

The good majority of our 8 embryos are on point:

  • 1 at Morula stage (excellent!)
  • 3 are compacting (great!)
  • 2 at 10 cell (within range)
  • 1 at 8 cell (barely in range)
  • 1 at 5 cell (likely stopped growing)

They do not grade the highest level embryos, but the 8 and 10 cell are Fair in quality and presenting minimal fragmentation! So we feel we have 4 excellent ones and possibly 2 others at this point.

I will get another call tomorrow, and the final report Sunday. The genetic report will be about a week following.

I feel so lucky to spend this weekend with dear STL friends (in San Diego) and will hopefully have A LOT to celebrate! Happy weekend everyone! Thanks again for all the love!

Saturday January 30 / Day 5

12651140_10102087810578004_576366528186411085_nI received the Day 5 call at 9:08a this morning. IDEAL is blastocyst stage for the embryos to be biopsied and frozen. Unfortunately, we do not have any candidates for biopsy and freeze today.

We have:

  • 5 at early blastocyst stage (50-75% chance)
  • 1 is Compacting (50/50)
•1 at 8 cell (likely stopped growing)
  • 1 at 7 cell (likely stopped growing)

Not only do they need to reach blastocyst stage, but in order for them to be eligible for biopsy and freeze tomorrow, they must be of a certain size and a certain quality. Fair quality or better is what is required based on 2 parts of the embryo: the inner cell mass (fetal tissue) and trophectoderm (placenta).

We POTENTIALLY have 6 candidates tomorrow on Day 6, BUT they must match the size and quality of the info above. Tomorrow is the final day the lab allows them to grow, and will be the FINAL daily phone call, with the genetic report a week or so later.

The development between today and tomorrow is the most crucial of this whole week. Prayers please!

To be honest, not sure my feelings on today’s report. Come on little embabies!

Sunday January 31st / Day 6

I didn’t sleep much last night, and was completely restless and anxious until we got our final daily report from Vanessa at 3p. I’ve since been digesting the news.

To our surprise, SIX (of the original 8) reached blastocyst (which is pretty incredible) BUT only THREE were fair when it comes to the cell count and appearance I described yesterday. Those 3 were biopsied and frozen today, Day 6. The remaining two embryos arrested.

I’m disappointed. Chris is content, as this was similar to what he expected. I wish there were more.

I guess I feel weird / concerned / sad that the remaining 3 poor quality embryos will not be biopsied and tested.

The embryologist explained to me today that it would be highly unlikely for them to survive the biopsy and freeze, and then IF they were to come back genetically normal, they likely wouldn’t survive thaw or implantation, ultimately creating false hope or a miscarriage.

{please no judgment}

I keep revisiting many thoughts and “what if’s.”

Our initial clinic would biopsy, test and freeze all blastocyst embryos regardless of good, fair, or poor. And last cycle at our current clinic, I didn’t even have to think about this, as only 3 made it to blastocyst stage and ALL were tested.

Yes, I understand 3 is better than 0, 1, or 2, and to be honest, we didn’t need a whole handful of genetically normal this cycle. 3 would be very unlikely, but 2 would be amazing. 1 would be OK, and 0…I can’t even imagine. We will find out the genetic results in approximately one week.

As you can tell, I’m not over the moon…I’m alright, but not jumping for joy. Thank you for the incredible amount of care, concern and prayers. Xo

PS – I had visions of taking a photo similar to this one today, but it’s been crazy windy and raining all day. The Google image will have to suffice for now.12662011_10102089455346874_2321890733780073233_n

Wednesday February 3rd

I am waiting VERY impatiently for the ever important phone call about our little embryos, and doing my best to truly believe amazingness will soon be on its way!12688200_10102092791635924_3146619093946110789_n

Friday February 5th / Genetic Report

12642580_10102094646643474_4918475001057166989_nI had a feeling. In my gut. I knew it. I f-ing knew it.

I knew the call would happen when I was in the air.

I knew Chris would be the one to receive the call.

And I knew it was going to be crushing.

Prior to knowing, I laid in bed this morning thinking of what picture and caption I would share to deliver the news. I just knew it.

Call it pre-maternal instinct maybe?

Why me? Why us? Why. Why. Why.

NONE, yes you read that correctly. NONE of our embryos came back normal. Is this a sick joke? Nope, sure not…this is our realty.

Dr. F accidentally called Chris’ cell yesterday while I was on the plane. Chris then called my dad and my sister to let them know and to get their advice on how and when to share the news. I knew Meggie wasn’t herself last night.

Curse words have been said. Tears have been shed. Hugs have been given. Faith in God has been questioned.

I am beyond angry, sad, shocked, and everything in between. Life is f-ing unfair.

To have spent a crazy amount of money on cycle 3, wasted 2+ months, the physical and emotional toll, surgery…all for nothing?! Awful.

My heart seriously hurts. I am ready to be pregnant, ready to be a mom, and more than ready to see Chris as a dad. This journey has tested us in ways I could have never imagined.

I don’t know what’s next for us, but I thank you for the thoughts and prayers.

I will be back with a more recent update soon.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best. – Robert Tew


One thought on “The bust known as Cycle 3

  1. Pingback: Moving on…kind of. | jaunts & journeys

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