I had an open tab, amongst many, at the top of my internet browser that was neglected until the other day. I do not know when or how I came across this article, but finally got the courage to read it. This is well worth two minutes of your time, and will resonate VERY well with those struggling in this world of infertility…and will be helpful if you are close to someone who is enduring this painful path. I shared this on my Facebook, but wanted to share with you all as well. Click here.
As I left you in the previous post … I am rewinding time, yet again.
Tuesday February 9th. This was days after my return from Chicago and receiving the dreaded news. We had our WTF (as they call it in the IVF world) meeting with Dr. F. We were to review the horrific genetic results from cycle #3 and discuss next steps. I was NOT HAPPY. I felt a sense of anger to the building, the familiar faces that I normally love, the women in the clinic smiling for whatever reason. I seriously felt like I had the word FAILURE stamped across my forehead. I hated it. I am normally bubbly and positive, as things had previously been going quite well!
Our nurse, Lillie, came to get us from the waiting room, and looked at me with pure sadness. To be honest, it was difficult to look at Dr. F in straight in the eyes, as she knew I was in severe pain, and I know she was extremely disappointed too.
It wasn’t her fault I was hurting. She didn’t cause my pain. But, overall that anger was persistent. She tried her best to remain utterly professional, yet I know she cares on a deeper level.
I was prepared with my typical page full of questions. I was emotional, as expected, but couldn’t speak. I asked Chris began the discussion, as I reached for a Kleenex.
Some questions and answers:
- How common is this? Not very.
- Why does this happen? Unknown.
- What were the genders? 2 XX (girl) and 1 XY (boy)
- What were the abnormalities? (1) Trisomy 1 & 4, (1) Trisomy 1, (1) Trisomy 16
- Why would I have different results in earlier cycles? Each cycle is different.
- How are the labs skills and handling? Very pleased with lab, their processes, procedures, and success rates.
- Is this because of my eggs? Likely.
- Is it possible for me to do another IVF cycle down the road? Unsure.
- What do you recommend for next steps? Transfer. We need you pregnant.
- How should I be living my day to day with caffeine, alcohol, body preparation? Minimal to prep for pregnancy.
So many “whys” with so few answers. Unfortunately, A LOT is still unknown in this amazing scientific practice of Assisted Reproductive Technology.
Chris, Dr. F, and I collectively agreed is was time to move to transfer.
Because I am a worst case scenario, pessimistic thinking, crazy lady, I was slightly hesitant for one reason.What if we aren’t able to fulfill our family with the 5 embryos we have at this point? I am terrified I will be in my mid to late 30s with even more terrible eggs then.
Dr. F feels confident with the embryos we have at this point, but I wish I had a crystal ball at this very moment.
We discussed the Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) protocol, and it seemed super simple in comparison to the IVF cycle protocol. I was to call the office with my period, start estrogen (tablets, not the annoying, expensive patches!) until my lining is thick enough which is approximately 2-3 weeks. We would add progesterone injections for approximately 5 days, and finally the embryo transfer!
Did I feel better after the appointment? Absolutely not. Nothing was fixed, nothing was cured, but I did walk away with a nice timeline in my mind of what the coming weeks and months would look like…Or so I thought.
As we were concluding, Dr. F recommended we repeat a Saline Sonohysterogram. What a drag! I had this quick, but pretty uncomfortable, procedure last June, and wrote about it in this blog post. Everything (uterine environment) checked out great back then.
But when women do multiple cycles and estrogen levels are high, polyps commonly develop in the uterus, so Dr. F wanted to recheck to be sure my uterus was a perfect womb/environment for our embryo to implant and call home for 9 months. She prescribed Valium for me to take beforehand to help my body relax. This procedure must take place between days 7-10 of your cycle, so we scheduled for the following week.
Something popped in my mind the very next day, so I called Dr. F. I was thinking back to last summer when I was on Estrace (oral Estrogen), and I ovulated through the medication, ultimately causing a canceled IVF cycle. Once I reminded Dr. F of this, we agreed I should most definitely be on birth control to quiet the ovaries, prior to starting Estrogen and Progesterone.
It adds 2+ weeks to the initial 3.5 week protocol. UGH. Delay, delay, delay.
We went on to have an enjoyable Valentine’s Day Weekend which included: A relaxing Friday night at home with cards, wine, and a delish Blue Apron creation. Couples massage with champagne and chocolates at Lemongrass. Juanita’s breakfast burritos at Moonlight Beach. A semi-tasty dinner and drinks at Vigilucci’s in Carlsbad. V-Day brunch and bottomless mimosas at Le Papagayo. More champagne and more cards on the deck. Cleaning. Walk at Batiquitos Lagoon with pup. [As shown in pics below.]
Sunday night as we were going to sleep, I told Chris I was worried about tomorrow’s appointment. Me nervous?!?! Shocking! But yet again, I had a feeling. And not a good one.
All will be ok. No big deal right?!
Not so much. Of course. I LOVE doing things the hard way.
Next post I will share how the Saline Sono went and what our next steps are. Until then, my best to each of you! Have a LOVELY weekend! Xo
Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best. – Robert Tew