Where I left you…
Monday February 15th
Since I was having Valium, I was not permitted to drive. Chris picked me up at my office, and we headed to SDFC for my 10:30a Saline Sono. We had to wait quite some time as Dr. F was busy with retrievals that morning. I was required to have a full bladder for this extremely enjoyable procedure, which made the waiting less than ideal.
Without going into detail….It begins, and is uncomfortable to say the least. A LOT of pressure. I wiggle my toes nonstop to help. It was not ending as quickly as I remember from last time. TONS of pressure. Deep breathing. I could tell something was off. And I felt like my insides were about to explode. More breathing.
[I still voice recording each appointment on my phone, and my hands are sweating listening to this one.]
Dr. F – “We’re done. You did great!”
Me – How does it look?
Dr. F – So overall…pause…well I am going to show you the pictures.
Me – That doesn’t sound good.
Dr. F – No everything is fine. (LIES!)
She goes on to show us the pictures, and points out fluid is black on ultrasound.
Dr. F – We want the cavity to be uniformly black as this is where pregnancy grows. See this here…well it could be debris. I couldn’t get it to move with the fluid…to make it go away. It could be absolutely nothing. Or it could be a polyp, which is excess growth of the lining in the uterus. This does not affect your health, but would affect an embryo implanting successfully.
Dr. F – Once your period begins, start birth control and let’s repeat the test.
Chris – If it is there again, what happens? We are delayed a month?
Dr. F – If it is there again that means it is a polyp which would require a surgical procedure with full anesthesia to remove it. Super straightforward, common, easy procedure. Nothing compared to egg retrieval. It wouldn’t delay us more than a week or two.
Us – What is your gut feeling?
Dr. F – I have seen it where it is gone the next month, and absolutely nothing. So I am hoping it’s gone. It is my job to be compulsive and make sure I don’t miss a thing. It is a tiny bump in the road. I know you have had a lot of bumps in the road.
Me – Beyond disappointed, I move on to other questions. What are thoughts on bed rest after transfer? Is travel OK within first trimester? What meds should I continue? Etc.
Appointment ends, and Dr. F leaves the room.
Chris – It’s ok.
Me – No it’s not. If I have to have another surgery, I am going to lose my sh*t.
Chris – All for the greater good.
Chris is always so incredibly positive. But bottom line…this REALLY sucks! Why couldn’t everything have been clear, and we would be on our merry little way to transfer time!
At this point, if surgery was needed…we didn’t know if Dr. F would do the surgery, or my regular OB. We didn’t know when or where surgery would be. We didn’t know how much it could cost.
Yet another massive curveball thrown our direction.
I ONLY wanted Dr. F to do the surgery. She knows my body, and I want my uterus to be as perfect as possible and up to her standards. I haven’t laid eyes on my OB (Dr. R) since my ectopic, and really didn’t want to have her doing it. If Dr. R was doing it, this would mean at a different location, different staff, pre-op appointment, and the worst thing…would be at the mercy of the surgery center’s schedule. It would make life so much easier to have it done at SDFC. But of course insurance would cover a LOT more if my OB did it.
I shared this news with some, and my dear nurse friend, Shannon, said something that made me think…Why wait? Just move to surgery right now.
I emailed Dr. F immediately:
Hi! I am feeling beat up and pretty down with the results from today’s sono, and hoping whatever it is goes away on its own. But as we know, my body doesn’t like to do things the easy way. So I wanted to check and see if it made any sense for us to go straight to the hysteroscopy now, versus waiting? I could be off target, but wanted to ask.
Hypothetically speaking, we repeat the sono in about a month while I am on birth control, and let’s say the polyp/debris it is still there…it would take some time to get the procedure scheduled, etc.
You know me, I am not great at taking it “one step at a time.” I am too much of a forward thinker, and it gets me in trouble! Thanks for understanding.
She called the next day to discuss, and at this point seemed extremely confident in thinking it was a polyp (aka Polly) versus debris. Not sure what changed, or if she had time to think about it and discuss with the other docs at their daily review? I asked if we could do surgery the next day, but that wasn’t possible. Surgery must be between days 7-10 of your cycle, OR while on birth control.
In the mean time, THANK GOD I had some excellent distractions in the coming days. One of my dearest college friends/sorority sister, Sara, would be in Carlsbad for her husband’s company trip. I was able to spend some time with them on Wednesday at Omni La Costa. Thursday, Sara and Steve and another lovely couple, Jessica and Jeff, came to our house for appetizers and drinks, then we went to Pacific Coast Grill for dinner. It is always SO great having a familiar face to help ease the always present feeling of missing home, family, and friends!
Saturday morning after my Chiro visit, I had brunch at Clarie’s on Cedros with two dear friends and fellow IVFers! I always enjoy every moment with them, and it means the world to have the support of those who have traveled this path.
Chris’ great friend, Jordan, and his wife Martina came to visit and stay the night Saturday. We had not seen each other since their wedding day in November. As always, it was absolutely wonderful to spend time with these newlyweds / soon to be parents!
Monday March 14th at 10:30, I will go for ANOTHER saline sonohysterogram. If the polyp is present, we will move forward with the surgery. She said she is going to be extremely picky with the sono and wants to see a perfect uterus. I can’t wait 😉
At this time, I am scheduled for a hysteroscopy / polypectomy at NOON (I am going to be cranky, anxious, starving, and thirsty) on March 16th with Dr. F at SDFC. THANK GOD! Although insurance is a real bitch, we worked out a little deal to make it possible!
Yes, I am THRILLED we repeated the procedure and the polyp was discovered, versus going straight to a transfer and experiencing another loss. This positive thinking doesn’t take away the pain and angst of another surgery and delay.
Personal opinion – I think I have actually handled this situation much better than some of the other news dealt our way during this journey. I feel badly for my body…it isn’t ideal to have full anesthesia 4 times in 6 months. What I am dreading the most…the freaking IV. Now I just need me monthly friend to make an appearance. Go figure, when I want Aunt Flow the most, she takes her damn time. She was due yesterday, and I am still waiting.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best. – Robert Tew