I have officially hit crazy

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Life has most definitely been beautiful and amazing, yet awful at times too. I wish I had enjoyed the ordinary a bit more because we are officially back in the craziness of IVF life. It is surreal to have FINALLY entered this part of our IVF journey! I am cautiously excited, yet terrified.

Hello to all the lovely people who are reading this! Hope you had a nice weekend. As I posted to FB and Insta last week…

I took my last birth control pill Friday April 8th (THANK GOD!) I do NOT want to see those nasty little things for a very LONG time…or at least until we transfer baby #2.

My ultrasound Monday April 11th showed quiet ovaries (what we wanted) and thin lining (what we expected), but the lining needs to grow grow grow. I started estrogen pills, the first of hundreds, (Hello, bloat!) April 12th. The side effects are strange, and the headaches have been no joke. I had one last over 24 hours that even Acu couldn’t fix.

Others fun ones include:

  • Nausea, vomiting, bloating (FUN FUN)
  • Breast pain, tenderness, swelling (Always enjoyable)
  • Freckles or darkening of facial skin (not sure how many more freckles I could add, but wouldn’t mind darker facial skin ha)
  • Loss of scalp hair (AWESOME, I have already lost so much.)
  • Changes in mood (WONDERFUL, watch out everyone) and much more

After nearly FIVE freaking weeks, I FINALLY stopped bleeding this past Saturday, only to have pretty intense cramps / ovary pain and severe nausea kick in Sunday afternoon. The pain / discomfort has not eased up, and I am currently waiting on a potentially calming email back from Dr. F. If I am ovulating I will completely lose my mind.

I have noticed I am holding my breath, clenching my jaw, keeping my shoulders tense…all likely with an elevated BP or heart rate. I know this is unhealthy.

Last week when I asked about ovulating…Dr. F said it “would be highly unlikely.” Acu said, “You shouldn’t ovulate. Shouldn’t that is.” As we know, I am the furthest thing from textbook.

As I sit here today, I am absolutely 100% convinced ovulation is occurring. This would be beyond HORRIBLE…our FET cycle will get canceled…who knows when we would transfer…our due date is later than expected…that is all IF it even works on the first try.

[I have since gotten an email back: There is no need to come in today. We will do an ultrasound and bloodwork tomorrow and see what is going on. Please don’t worry! I’ll look forward to seeing you tomorrow. 🙂

I guess I have entirely thrown the power of positive thinking out the window. That was short lived.

I know my body, and I know it well. I have been a psycho psychic when it comes to predicting what is going on with it. I REALLY hope I am VERY wrong with this, but we will find out when I have my ultrasound and blood work tomorrow/Tuesday April 19th,  at 11:30a.

Me trying to force myself to think happy thoughts at this VERY moment:

  • I am hungry. (Kidding…just don’t throw up in the office.)
  • Cramps feel better. (OUCH, nope!)
  • Weather is beautiful! (But it isn’t going to last for our guests.)
  • Blues are leading the Blackhawks 2-1 in the playoffs! (The Hawks are dirty and scary.)
  • Celebrating 33! (More like pretending it isn’t happening. How the hell am I going to be 33?)
  • Patrick and Lauren arrive Wednesday! (But that means a goodbye happens Monday.)
  • Cardinals / Padres game Saturday! (The Cards tend to lose when I go to games in SD.)

Welcome to the negative, crazed world I am living in.

Chris is Mr. Positive, but it doesn’t help me much. I hate hormones, but I hate constant worry even more. Since we have had so much negative in this journey, so much bad news, I am used to feeling this way. I don’t like it, but can’t help it.

I appreciate the love and prayers for our appointment and my sanity. Lots of love to you! Xo

In trying to put my mind elsewhere, here are some pictures from our life as of late which includes a LOT of champagne, beach, beautiful sunsets, and Reese per usual:

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Well hello, gorgeous. Always the most incredible arrangements from Flower Frenzy. Thanks Mom and Dad for making my day! (serious no filter)

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Patio revamp.

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No filter again. Swear.

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Cheering for Cards and Spieth the classiest way I know how.

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Another one of those made up holidays…National Siblings Day was April 10th. This is a beauty. 6 toothpick legs, some VERY high shorts, fantastic hair, Teva sandals, anklets, sports watches, and not loving each other. Welcome to 1993 at Mile High Stadium.

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Zoom to see those greys. Holy smokes.

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Extremely thoughtful gift from my Ape. She said, “The clover is for the Kennedy name obviously, luck in your jaunts&journeys. And alcohol.” The lavender sachet is to help calm and relax. LOVE.

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STL sports…you have my heart. Go Blues. Go Cards. Thank God for the MLB TV package!

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Wearing my STL necklace from Jess on opening day. Our appt. went well that day, so I think it will be a must to wear to each appt. Superstition and I have a love hate relationship.

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Am I 90?!

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Tentative FET Schedule.

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Some Most days I live for Starbucks and the sun. And my patio.

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Attempting a FaceTime bachelorette planning session with Meggie pretty much turns into the Tina show.

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Obsessing over my mail as of late!

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Ponto Beach 04.16.16

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Serious love for this little boy and his momma! 04.17.16

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Sunday brunching at Bier Garden has changed a bit, but still so fun! 04.17.16


As a total side note – My parents are selling their rental home, 62 St. Charles Place…great family friendly neighborhood, beautiful home, nearly 1600 SF, on a quarter of an acre, and in the Webster School District. We would love for the next residents to love the home as much as we all have! Please contact Justin at 314-368-7127 for additional information.12963882_227867837571848_1824002510935839078_n

Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best. – Robert Tew

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3 thoughts on “I have officially hit crazy

  1. KR,
    I hope your appointment went well today! I have been out of the loop for a bit but I am back. I see that life stinks and you really want to get on with this…well, patience my friend. Life is good and you are a strong woman. I know it does not seem like it right now but your time will come. Hopefully Chris and his positive outlook will rub off on you and you can get back to being your lovely self. Enjoy your company and GO CARDS!

    Love,
    e

    Like

  2. Prayers are coming your way again! You HANG in there….I am sure you know how much you have grown throughout this process…. just keep thinking of all of the stories you will have to tell your babies about these times… and you WILL tell them! It WILL happen!
    Hugs, Barb

    Like

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