|Childless|Jobless|Homeless|

fa0de41b8b0cab0df1b4fdb7c434556bTrust me, I am not in as bad of shape as the title makes it sound, but at times have felt a bit rough.

I cannot believe a month has gone by since I last wrote. I have been so incredibly busy, which is a very good thing, and my God life has been a combination of AMAZING, CRAZY, FUN, SAD, and AWFUL…at times it felt shattered into a million pieces. I couldn’t find even an hour to dedicate to this blog, and am disappointed in my neglect.

Some of this info below may take even my closest of friends by surprise.

I have been so preoccupied with life, I haven’t had the opportunity to call, text, email the latest and greatest on Kacey and her ever changing life.

I will do a list of dates / occurrences and hopefully later will get back to individuals posts with details and pictures for memory’s sake.


Thurs. May 12 – When I last wrote, started 4 Estrogen patches on my stomach, changing every 3 days. Lining check in one week.

Sat. May 14 – Billy Joel at Petco Park (INCREDIBLE!) One of my favorite nights in the last decade for sure.

Wed. May 18 – Dr. Appt, lining grew a tiny (from 3 to 5mm), beautiful triple stripe pattern, estrogen ONLY went from 65 to 82. Add in vaginal estrogen, not awesome.

Thurs. May 19 – FLY TO STL for Meggie’s Bridal Shower Weekend! Girls night at my parents house! Can’t explain the heaven I was in.

Fri. May 20 – STL, lunch with mom and dinner with fam, Meg, Brent, Paige and Tina arrive in STL!

Sat. May 21 – Meggie’s FIRST beautiful shower at Jeanne’s, family dinner

Sun. May 22 – Meggie’s SECOND lovely shower at Berry’s, family dinner

Mon. May 23 – Goodbye STL, family and friends. Hate leaving. Fly back to San Diego

Tues. May 24 – Reality, Chiro & Acu

Wed. May 25 – Parents arrive to San Diego (en route to Hawaiian cruise for their 40TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY!) Blues season ends 😦 Home cooked meal by Pam.

Thurs. May 26 – Mom and Dad come to SDFC appt. with me, Dad got to meet Dr. F for the first time, tears in my eyes. Lining didn’t grow much (5 to 6mm), beautiful triple stripe pattern, estrogen came back OVER 3,000 (should have been in 400s), this explains why I have been a raging, emotional, hot flash, crazy mess. This tells Dr. F, my body is absorbing the synthetic estrogen, but doesn’t know what to do with it. Coaster train ride downtown San Diego, family fun day. Another meal by Pam.

Fri. May 27 – Parents leave for Hawaii. Chris’ company Memorial Day Beach Party.

Sat. May 28 – Brunch at Le Papagayo, errands, chill.

Sun. May 29 – San Diego Safari Park, Hibachi Dinner

Mon. May 30 – Memorial Day Encinitas / Beach walk

Tues. May 31 – 6 year anniversary of having Reese 🙂 God I love her.

Wed. June 1 – Special Happy Hour with a dear friend and her little one.

Thurs. June 2 – Big Dr. F appt and our Frozen Embryo Transfer Cycle was Canceled. Lining did not grow A SINGLE MM. We could NOT get past 6. Again. Most doctors require an 8mm, but Dr. F would have been happy with a 7. Nope. Chris and I crushed. He took it harder than me. Start med to induce period. Once it arrives, we will begin new protocol with injections to grow my follicles which will make my body produce natural (as opposed to synthetic) estrogen which SHOULD grow the uterine lining.

Immediately after appt., I went to pick up a salad at my regular restaurant next to my now FORMER office…and there was a BABY SHOWER…big one…on a Thursday afternoon. She was having a girl. My heart broke a little.

Fri. June 3 – Just the VERY NEXT DAY…Friday at 4pm ish…My position within Horine Group was eliminated. WTF. HUGE Blessing in disguise, and we are THRILLED I am out of there, but it’s pretty much a big time bull sh!t situation that I will get into later. So yeah I am currently a stay at home wife, but busier than ever, thanks in large part to something NOT so awesome below.

Sat. June 4 – Date night / dinner at Crack Shack (San Diego people…GO THERE!), drink at Coasterra while we watched my Mom and Dad’s plane fly into San Diego late night.

Sun. June 5 – Brunch at Le Papagayo (second week in a row), Carlsbad / Beach walk, dinner at the house. And the last home cooked meal by Pam 😦

Mon. June 6 – Drive parents to airport early. Tears. Always tears. We hate goodbyes. Tears while typing. I miss you Mom and Dad. So much. First infrared sauna treatment to rid my body of toxins. Stopped at OLD office to drop off key and pick up a couple items. Yuck. 3 stores to purchase ALL of our Liver Detox/Cleanse items, errands and more errands.

Tues. June 7 – Start 5-day Liver Cleanse. Drops. Tea with more drops. Garlic, olive oil, ginger, OJ and water smoothies. Kill me. This was not for weight loss (although I did drop 5.5 lbs), but to flush my body/system of all toxins. It’s nuts to think about the hormones and meds my poor body has endured in the last 1.5 years. Per my Acu and Chiro, the best way to do it is through the liver. I asked Chris to join…he accepted. Thank God. I am totally not the “cleanse” type, but WHATEVER it takes to help my body, I am all about it.

While at Chiro, Chris called to let me know our landlord is selling the house we live in…and it is going on the market NEXT (now this) WEEK. WTF. Is this a freaking joke? Life felt slightly COMPLETELY in shambles. If I ever needed a drink, tonight was the night. Nope liver cleanse. Do we buy it? Do we rent somewhere else? Moving…I can’t imagine MOVING right now. Do we buy somewhere else? Maybe we get an RV and travel the country? What is happening?

Wed. June 8 – Padres Day game (Way Back Wednesday) in Wells Fargo suite with all you can eat AND drink (including grilled cheese mac & cheese sandwich, chicken tenders, steak sandwich, hot dogs, Dove bars, you name it, OMG), except we couldn’t touch it. So we pouted and ate our organic apples, celery, nuts and hated life. We felt worse than our worst hangover due to the toxins being stirred up in our body. We got a rain check to go back and indulge another time. Snoop Dogg through out first pitch, was in the suite next to us, and he performed after. Big time grade school crush, Zach Morris introduced the starting lineup.

Fri. June 10 – HAPPY 33rd BIRTHDAY CHRIS! (To be celebrated when we can ACTUALLY celebrate.) You are the best, seriously. I am forever fortunate to have you as mine. Welcome to 33. I am not in love with this age just yet, but 3 is my favorite number, so maybe that means something…or not. Here’s to you and all you have accomplished in your last year of life. This WILL be OUR year.

We put an offer in on the house. Lord help me. I do NOT mean this in the bragging way AT ALL, I promise, but for what this 2 bed, 2.5 bath, 1300 SF, 30+ year old town home may cost us, well let’s just say we could buy something pretty damn nice in STL. Real estate prices out here, combined with the market at an all time high, makes this seriously depressing.

Sat. June 11 – LAST day of cleanse! PERIOD comes on Day 10 of meds (I thought it would take longer since estrogen was through the roof)! Clean and prep house, Chris’ parents arrive to town, Jeff and Steph come over for cocktails and dinner. The pizza, pasta, and booze looked heavenly.

Sun. June 12 – Submit counter offer on house, brunch at Le Papagayo (third week in a row…we clearly love that place!), visit some open houses, San Fran planning, birthday and early Father’s Day dinner at the Denney’s, PACK for trip.

At this very moment, I am in bed. Melatonin is kicking in. I am stressing about stressing, and watching Reese chase a bunny in her sleep while snoring at the same time.

Tomorrow/Monday June 13th – Dr. F Baseline Appt. at 9:30a for our freaking THIRD (had no idea it would take this damn long) attempt at FET (frozen embryo transfer). I want to be pregnant so badly and really, really, REALLY hope THIS time is successful.

Over the last week, I kept saying – I am childless, jobless, and homeless…yet I continue to be as brave as possible and somehow put a smile on my face. Obviously I am exaggerating and being dramatic, but it sure feels like life is a little completely out of control at the moment. My heart is beating fast. My mind doesn’t stop. My worry is ridiculous. I feel like I can’t catch my breath. The stress is nearly unbearable. And stress is the absolute LAST thing I need. Some moments I am alright and know things will be OK.

With all that said…here we go…escaping reality, something I tend to be really good at. Chris and I are doing something we have always wanted to do and are taking a road trip up the coast. We NEED this badly. If only we could take our pup and be gone for weeks, but she will be in good hands with Chris’ parents, and we will return in five days due to a doctor’s appointment. First stop – San Fran, and we will then work our way south. Suggestions welcome! TIA.

Thanks for the love. I appreciate you always. Xo


Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best. – Robert Tew

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One thought on “|Childless|Jobless|Homeless|

  1. Here is to Don and Marianne for being flexible and taking care of Reese (dog). Our children need to get away for some time to process everything.

    Here is to Chris’ grandmothers who are such an fabulous influence in his life and only want the best. Here is to my sister and mom who pray and support them every step of the way.

    I wish i had a magic wand that could be waved to pay for the condo, make fertility a non-issue, etc…. thank god we have a supportive group praying for kacey and chris.

    God has a plan. I am just confused and continue to pray. I know our friends, roth’s friends and kacey and chris’ friends pray.

    Alleluia Chris and Kacey have bought the condo. Callie real estate is out of control.

    i could go on forever. Happy that kacey and chris have each other. They are AMAZING!!!!!!!!

    love

    Pam

    Like

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