In the days prior…

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I feel as if I am posting in a somewhat backwards fashion which is really bothering my self diagnosed OCD. Perhaps I should have posted this prior to sharing Well hello there friends…

Too late now. Anyway, below is the email novel I sent on Tuesday October 24, two days prior to our embryo transfer and over a week ago now. (I have added photos. You can click or hover over the photo for description.)


Hi! Hope you are well. It’s approaching 100 degrees in Carlsbad right now and majority of us live without A/C, so it’s not exactly enjoyable.

A dear friend pointed out that I have been quieter than usual, as you may have noticed as well. I have refrained from social media for a little while, and want to get back into blogging when the time is right. I am often horrible at replying to texts, so if you send me a message and do not get a response, please try again.

I felt compelled to share an update regarding our fertility situation with you. This is quite lengthy, so just skip to the end if you aren’t interested in the details.


September 10th marked the completion of my three month treatment for Adenomyosis (from of endometriosis where uterine lining grows into muscle). This included monthly Lupron Depot injections and a nightly progesterone supplement. It pretty much made my body stop producing estrogen (similar to menopause). The side effects weren’t as horrible as I was told they would be.

I was on birth control Sept. 11-22 to induce my cycle to re-start which happened 9/27. Once my cycle started, I began Estrogen injections every 3 nights to grow my uterine lining in prep for an upcoming embryo transfer.

These injections were the magic drug (after FOUR different protocol attempts) back in January for our February 1 transfer that finally helped my lining to grow the thickest it had ever been at 7.33mm. In January it was only two weeks from when I did the first injection until the day of our embryo transfer. I was hopeful this med would work its magic again.

[Side note – We are back at the original practice, Reproductive Partners (RPMG), where we started with Dr. Friedman. We are with Dr. Garzo who did my first (Sept 2015) and fourth (May 2017) egg retrievals. Our remaining embryos are in their lab. I may expand on this reasoning later.]

I had my baseline appt. and blood draw on Fri. 9/29 to check on my ovaries and uterus, to make sure there were no polyps, cysts, or abnormalities. The Adenomyosis was still present, but Garzo believes it calmed down some. My lining was thin around 3.5mm, as to be expected at this point, and we got the OK to move forward!

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Duke’s La Jolla 10.6.17 after RPMG

My first lining check and blood draw was Fri. 10/6 (when my parents were in town visiting) and had grown to 5.8mm. I was a tad disappointed, as I had expected it to grow as quickly as last cycle. Tentative transfer date was set for 10/19.

The second lining check and blood draw was Fri. 10/13 when Chris was out of town. It should have measured about 7-8mm or so, and I should be prepping for transfer next week, but it was only 6.25mm. Growth of just 0.4mm in one week?! Major let down. Typical Kacey issues with nothing going as planned. Garzo wanted to push me one more week and doubled my estrogen dosage from 0.4 to 0.8. HELLLOOOO estrogen! I almost just wanted him to cancel our cycle at this point because I didn’t see it getting to the ideal 8mm he, and most of the IVF world, requires. He is very strict, conservative, old school, and by the book.

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10.13.17 Ultrasound

My estrogen level is over 2000, which is insane. My body is clearly getting the estrogen, but just not doing what it should do with it…which is successful lining growth.

MOST women’s lining would be SOOO thick (15mm or higher) with the amount of medication I am on. I need to realize, MOST women don’t have the countless of issues I’ve had, nor do they have to take this arduous path to become a mom. I can’t keep comparing myself to MOST.

Chris and I intended to go to the Fri. 10/20 appointment, he was then going to tour a client, and we would meet back up to drown our sorrows, toasting to yet another failure and setback on this path.

However, at the appointment were surprised to learn the lining had actually grown to 7.2mm. Even with this growth, we didn’t think Garzo would approve, nor would we want to transfer a precious (genetically healthy, VERY expensive) embryo that we worked SO hard for, if it wasn’t the most ideal of conditions.

However, he liked the shape and triple pattern of my lining and uterus, and we aren’t far off from 8mm, thus he wanted to move forward!

SOOOO…

Our Friday looked a whole lot different than we expected!

Next we went to Garzo’s office, and selected the best embryo, which happens to be embryo #9 (my dad’s hockey number!!) so we are taking this as a great sign and obvious good luck. A great friend pointed out the date 10/26 when added 1+0+2+6 = #9! We will take any sign we can get! We do not know the gender, but we do know this is a beautiful 5 day old embryo from our September 2015 cycle, when my eggs were the youngest. So this little one has been on ice for over TWO years, which is so crazy to think about!

On Saturday the 21st, I began nightly progesterone in oil injections, along with oral meds, Doxycycline and Prednisone. So every 3 nights, I have to do 2 intramuscular injections on my back side. It’s really fun 😉 The bruising and soreness is real. Side note, Chris is still doing every single injection (approx. 300+ now) with the exception of just TWO (Thanks, Rachel and nurse Corey!)!! They have had to take place at the ball field on Wednesdays, occasional parking lots, concerts, restaurant bathrooms, name it. SO thankful for him for a multitude of reasons!

[Our first transfer, June 27, 2016, everyone knew everything. Second transfer, February 1, 2017, Chris and I each told ONE person. Our parents and siblings didn’t even know. Telling was hard because we had to let everyone know the failure, there was pressure, and utter disappointment and heartbreak. NOT telling anyone was equally as hard because we couldn’t express our nervousness, celebrate (very briefly) when we had positive tests. And when the pregnancy was not present on ultrasound, no one had any idea how we were feeling or what we were going through until after the fact. So this time around, we weren’t sure how to approach it. But here you have it! WELCOME, yet again, to this crazy journey of ours!]

Our THIRD frozen embryo transfer is almost here and set to take place THIS THURSDAY 10/26 at 11:30am! 

Check in is at 10:30a. I will take a Valium and get a Demerol injection to calm/relax myself (and my uterus.) In my loopy state, I will then have acupuncture after and will be on bedrest for the first 48 hours. It is ultra important for me to stay chill and relaxed, which is nearly impossible if you know me.

I’ll participate in some of the old wives’ tales – warm feet, warm drinks, mild body temp, not too much direct sunlight, pineapple core, Brazil nuts, pomegranate juice, funny movies, etc. Crazy.

We will not know any news for a while. The wait is BRUTAL. With every twinge, feeling, movement, you wonder, worry and obsess. Although we know the embryo cannot “fall out,” I am not kidding when I say, going to the bathroom, sneezing, coughing, worries some IVF gals, including me.

I am telling myself this IS going to work and come Thursday 10/26 afternoon, I will walk back in this door as a pregnant woman! I, of course, will not be able to indulge in some of my favorites…so I am soaking up the last few days as a non-pregnant gal. Saturday, we did a spa/pool day with frose. I had lox and bagels with some champs on Sunday. A nightly glass of red wine with dinner. We are going to our favorite sushi spot tonight. I have recently started (hardly) running again. But this will ALL have to stop until further notice, and I am PERFECTLY content with that.

We are scared, nervous, anxious. Some have asked if we are excited. It is nearly impossible to be excited, not only because of the hand we have been dealt (3 natural pregnancies and 2 failed FETs), but also because we have experienced the pure heartbreak of this EXACT situation not working. I am not being negative, yet realistic. There are NO guarantees.

Total side note – A major downfall with our fertility struggle has been missing out on major life events, inability to plan trips, or even commit to a simple dinner or weekend gathering. Major FOMO always. I have done my best to be as in control of the IVF calendar as possible, but most decisions aren’t up to me, rather my body. We have gotten somewhat used to this, but it doesn’t make it easier. We have no idea what the next few weeks/months could look like. It is SO hard to be away, especially at this time not being able to be part of Meggie’s baby showers and likely *HOPEFULLY* missing out on my FIRST Kennedy Family Thanksgiving EVER.

Sorry to have written a novel. Naturally, I provided far more detail than you could have ever wanted or needed. I am an open book, so if there is something you don’t understand, questions you have, or anything, please let me know!

We would sincerely appreciate positive thoughts and prayers…for embryo 9 to thaw successfully and later implant perfectly, the embryologists, doctor, nurses, my womb, Chris and I, our hearts, minds, sanity. Thank you for being with us on this seemingly never ending journey. Please feel free to share this with anyone you would like.

Xo

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October sunsets have been beauty.


Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best. – Robert Tew

 

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One thought on “In the days prior…

  1. Hi Kacey and Chris! This is Marianne’s Friend Maggie. I just wanted to say that we are thinking of both of you and praying for a happy and positive outcome to your journey. You guys sure deserve it! God bless. Hugs, Maggie

    Like

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